Life is overwhelming. For a neurodivergent person, life is extra overwhelming.
From the unspoken societal rules, to the amount of steps and planning it takes to get through the day, to the exorbitant responsibilities of life, and more, NDs face unique and overwhelming challenges in life.
Typical overwhelm can come from many different situations: financial, career/school, expectations others have of us, and expectations we have for ourselves, relationships, mental health, lack of boundaries, lack of support, lack of self-care, and information overload.
What is overwhelm?
I know it seems like a pretty basic vocabulary word. Sometimes, though, it really helps to look at things we think we know under a microscope.
Overwhelm is that feeling of panic and dread when you realize that whatever lies before you seems too difficult or impossible to reach. The process of getting to the point where you want to be is either going to take too long, is too confusing, too difficult, or is just not possible with your abilities, resources, and/or understanding.
Neurospicy people experience overwhelm in a multitude of other ways. Not only do NDs experience overwhelm in all the same ways NTs do, overwhelm for NDs also comes from sensory overload, difficulty with organization (physically and mentally), the stress of masking and interpreting social cues and norms, co-occurring health conditions, and more.
If we think about overwhelm for what it is- a perception of how difficult something will be- it makes it easier to deal with.
When we feel overwhelmed, we immediately start the panic process. We have automatically perceived that whatever we are trying to do is not possible or near impossible. If overwhelm is simply a perception, specifically a fear of lack, then we can use this information to combat overwhelm.
Let's start with an example.
You snoozed your alarm this morning and now you will likely be late for work. You haven't woken the kids up to make sure they're ready for school, you haven't showered so you still have yesterday's makeup on, and you're not even sure if everyone has clean clothes to wear.
As soon as you wake up and realize all of this, you instantly start to freak out. You run around your home in a whirlwind trying to get everything and everyone ready for the day. You probably drop a lot of things, bump into things, spill things, misplace things, forget things, and maybe even say a few things you didn't mean to.
Now you are upset, your family is upset, heck, even your pet is upset. The rest of your day ends up being just as stressful as your morning because you woke up overwhelmed. Does this sound relatable to you?
Now, let's look at this example under a microscope.
Why did you snooze your alarm this morning? You were likely up late the night before relishing in your down time, not ready to go to bed because it would end your peace. You end every day overwhelmed, so it's understandable that you also wake up overwhelmed.
It probably feels like a huge accomplishment if you did something you wanted to do instead of something you had to do. It feels like an accomplishment even if you did something you had to do. One thing is for certain: you don't give yourself enough you time.
Doing things costs energy.
When you are doing something that you want to do, it increases your energy. When you are doing something that you don't want to do, it drains your energy. If you are spending the day doing mostly things that you don't want to do, then you have no energy left to do the things that you enjoy that might give you more energy.
Everything you do costs energy. Physically and mentally exerting yourself costs energy. If you have enough energy in your reserve to do something you love, then you will gain more energy. If you spend all your energy doing the things you dread, then you will have no energy at all, ever.
Overwhelm is not a matter of what you lack as an individual, but rather of how much energy you spend and what you spend it on.
When you woke up overwhelmed that you were running late, you perceived that you had a lack of preparedness and time. By having to go back and pick up the things you dropped, find the things you misplaced, and dry the tears you caused, you could have just resumed your normal routine, and everything would have probably worked out just fine. Instead of perceiving that things would work out if you just cut out a few morning routine steps, you perceived that your morning was ruined, and so your entire day was ruined.
When we get to the core reason of overwhelm in this situation, we find that you've spent all your energy on things you didn't want to do the day before, and scrolling on your phone was the bare minimum you could do to regulate yourself at the end of the day. It didn't give you any energy. It simply allowed you to wind down after being overwhelmed all day. You don't lack anything. You don't lack time, or opportunities. You don't even necessarily lack sleep. What has overwhelmed you in this situation is poor management of your time.
This isn't to invalidate the struggles you experience with overwhelm. It's not an easy feat to choose to remain calm and believe things will work out when it seems like they won't.
How can neurodivergent people become more skilled at handling overwhelm?
The number one way to combat overwhelm is to remind yourself that you are enough, you lack nothing, and you are more than capable of doing whatever you want to do.
Some practical tools for dealing with overwhelm:
Delegate and prioritize your tasks and responsibilities
Set realistic goals
Regular self-care
Set healthy boundaries
Break down your tasks into smaller tasks
Manage stress as best as possible
Practice self-compassion
Seek support
Celebrate all wins and acknowledge all progress
If you'd like to talk through your overwhelm and gain specialized tools and techniques for your unique situation, please book a 1:1 session with the link below.
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